The Duplicitous Snake (transcript)
>Loba Andrade has cordially invited some Legends to the Paradise Lounge, where Mirage serves pints, the locals serve side-eye, and the peanut shells on the floor are... intentional.
>There's eleven of us meeting in a private room in back.
>And by "private room," I mean the Men’s Room, with the urinals removed.
>Loba: Thank you all for coming! You should be honored. I usually work alone.
>Someone in the back snickers, then pretends to cough. We all know who it is.
>Loba: Bangalore... need a drink, General?
>Bangalore: I'll pass. Need to keep my wits about me. This time of night, got some real shady elements in here.
>Well, at least these two will be entertaining.
>Loba: I won't keep you then. Let's get to it. I'm looking to add a rare and valuable treasure to my collection. And in return?
>Loba:You can make use of my various talents for... well, for whatever you desire.
>Loba: Maybe you'd like to help your mom get better treatment, Mirage. And Lifeline, maybe your parents can finally pay for their war crimes.
>Loba: I'm sure Caustic would love to address his pesky legal problems back on Gaea. It's okay, Doctor. You're innocent. We know.
>Caustic: Excuse me, how did you--?!
>Loba: It's what I do. And right now, all that matters is what I can do for you.
>Loba: But first, I need your help.
>Is this chica for real?
>All the flirting and double entendres and "je ne sais quoi"... are they falling for this crap? I expect that from the men, but scanning the room, the women have taken the bait as well.
>They’re all idiots.
>For obvious reasons, I am not affected.
>Loba: However, there are two issues in terms of retrieving the treasure: One - it's broken into pieces, scattered throughout Kings Canyon. And two...
>Loba: ... it's not in "our" Kings Canyon. Apparently, there's a different... I don't know, I guess you'd call it another... dimension?
>An independent variable.
>Awesome.
>Loba: Luckily, one of us happens to have spent a short time there and is familiar with its... locals, so to speak.
>Pathfinder: Me! It was me! And everyone was a shadow, and the dead walked around moaning all night. All my friends said I made it up.
>Loba: Apparently you did not. Which is why you're our guide, Pathfinder. And Wraith will be our way in.
>Wraith: Hold up. I never agreed to--
>Loba: Each of you is important. I ask you to work with me - together. We'll go in at night, in shifts. Find each piece and bring it back here, where Crypto and Wattson can help assemble it.
>Crypto: Assemble it? How do I know this "treasure" isn't some sort of trap?
>Loba: Whatever it is, I'm sure you're prepared enough to protect yourself. That's why we need you. I've learned it's some sort of tech - so who better than our premier hacker and most brilliant engineer to take it on?
>Wattson: A chance to work together? Usually we're opposed, but now we have the same... charge! Get it?
>Loba: And obviously, we'd fail miserably without the guidance and leadership of our general, Bangalore.
>Bangalore: Sergeant 1st Class will be fine, Loba. Not a general yet.
>Loba: Of course you aren't.
>Ouch.
>Pathfinder: I don't think I like this. Last time I went to that Kings Canyon, Revenant was in charge. And he was scary - even more than he is now... and that's a lot!
>Loba: And that is why we must all make a pact. The demônio can never know what we're doing.
>Mirage: Cause he'd eat us?
>Wraith: Because he'd want that life. That power.
>Mirage: Right. Exactly... And then he'd eat us.
>Loba: He can't know. Play this close to the chest. If he finds out... It's not good for any of us.
>Mirage cracks a joke about how difficult that will be, since Revenant is the guy they all confide in. Everyone laughs. Mirage really is a funny guy.
>We go around the room, everyone in agreement. The hunt begins now, and no matter what, we swear we won't tell Revenant what we're up to.
>And I've kept my promise.
>I didn't tell you.
>I discreetly wrote it to you in this message, Revenant.
>Who am I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you know the truth, felagi fighter: they're all plotting against you. But you have the upper hand now.
>High-five, bruddah.
>Sincerely yours,
>A. Smartypants